Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need a beard to bite.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
