**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
