Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize