hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
