I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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