She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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