he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My dick has a subreddit
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
