my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
