evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
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Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Come on in and take your pants off
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