every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
