we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
