I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
