You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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