I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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