I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
two words...techno handjob
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
