I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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