I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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