just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
