so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize