does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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