You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We were destined to go to rehab together
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize