Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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