Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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