It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
