my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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