She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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