i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize