it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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