so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
