saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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