Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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