And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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