Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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