Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
