If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
