I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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