When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
