no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
