oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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