I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
