Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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