marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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