So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
