I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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