At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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