final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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