At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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