the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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