When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
