Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
