i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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