so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
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I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
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DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am one with the molecules
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after