I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"