FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did I show you my penis last night?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.