i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
40s are totally the cure
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
