Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you win again, gameday.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
