I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
