Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
