I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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