If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
