I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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