whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
