im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
