Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
