That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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